Can Men Cook?

Yes they can!

Bits from the book

(click on the book cover to see more on Amazon)

Reviews

Now the book is available on Amazon, you can go “Look Inside”, and have a
read through the first three chapters – no cost! Of course, you will want to
buy it then...any e reader, and any PC or smart phone will work with the book.
Enjoy!

Some reader comments:

“This reads like a cook book written by Top Gear!”

“Phil gracefully intertwines the chemistry of food and sexual relationships,
and is so even handed in insulting all his readers, that none could take offence.
Oh and by the way the advice on cooking great food is superb.”

“I read it like a novel, and picked up some new ideas”

“Phil's book is a raucous assault on the senses, both in a culinary sense and
a personal one. “Can Men Cook” asks the reader to consider male / female
stereotypes in a fun way whilst offering some down to earth advice on cooking,
love and life. Highly recommended.”

And, just for fun - the first bit of the book itself...

INTRO

Here’s the deal.

• You can’t cook very well

• You would like more sex

• You like beer

• You like a bit of science trivia

• You are up for a laugh

Read on.

Let us start at the basics. I had a male friend whom I shared lodgings with at university, between him leaving home and getting married. He had hoped to go from mum to wife without any cooking for himself in between. Suddenly, I had become the cook in his life. I was making Spaghetti Bolognese. He poked his head around the kitchen door, asking if I wanted any help. (Essentially, he had been well brought up to have good manners). “Could you just peel an onion for me?” I said. He was a big bloke. After about a minute, I turned around from the preparation I was doing, because there were no tell tale noises or smells. He was hunched over the onion, with his shoulders stiff and still. I could spot complete panic, even from behind. “What’s up?” I said. He did not know how to peel an onion.

I blame his mum.

This book is dedicated to him, and to anyone for whom the idea of cooking strikes terror into their hearts.

And don’t panic. This is not a straight recipe book. There may not be anything earth shatteringly new, or anything you would find in another cook-book. There may be some simple twists to make things feel new. Firstly we aim to get you cooking to keep you alive. At the same time, you will smile at the stories. (This is not a request - I demand that you smile!) Then I will move you on to cooking that will cause cuddle-some thankfulness.

You are going to have to learn how to do some things differently. No bullshit. No faking and lying. At the moment when someone says “can you cook?” you may say yes, and then panic. At the end of this you can say yes, and ask what sort of thing do they want? And – you will never guess this at the moment – you might even enjoy it.

The marvellous thing about cooking is you get a fairly instant result. And that means if it goes completely wrong, all you’ve lost is some ingredients and a bit of time, and the compost bin has gained some extra material it didn’t expect. Start again. You will be able to knock something up really quickly, and with no panic. Wouldn’t that be good if you could do that in other areas of life too? Here’s your chance in one really important arena.

And it can be a real bit of hyper effective foreplay. Claire told me, “Second date with Kevin – and he invited me over to eat at his flat. After the amazing food – some things I’d never had before – I thought this guy is going to take me on a fantastic journey. It was the difference between him and all the other guys.” Four gorgeously talented kids later, I think the journey has been eventful. And it all started with a set of pots and pans and some great ingredients.

You can do it too.

How’s cooking going to help?

Look. Let’s not kid ourselves. You will need to wash too. And maybe say nice things occasionally.

But just ponder a moment. Milkmen get the pick of their round and Rock stars get the pick of the groupies. Chefs get the pick of the waitresses. Cooks? Yes, it is different from being a real Chef, but if it works for them, then maybe you will get more action outside the kitchen? It has to be worth a try, doesn’t it?

Well, maybe if you can rustle up a quick Spaghetti Bolognese, you could be pleasantly surprised at what follows. Cooking is the new foreplay. Cooking will get you more sex. You can get down and dirty, and forget about washing up in the grateful post prandial glow.

Basics

Each chapter starts at a very simple level, with a set of rules, implements you use to accomplish the feats, then recipes, sort of there amongst the stories. Some of the advice may sound condescending. If you think that, it means you're already better than I thought you'd be. But many men have a real fear of the kitchen. So, some people will need the real basics. Naturally, I am not talking to you. Yes, size is important, and yours does look above average to me.

We are going to start with some simple things which will give an easy step up into the kitchen. You may even have done some of these already. I aim to add a twist or two to make even the simplest thing a bit more satisfying. It’s a bit like the Kama Sutra for cooking. (What a great idea for a sequel!) Afterwards you will find what you like. You can improvise when you're confident.

The need to be able to do this was brought home to me recently in a local restaurant. They have sayings all over the walls. This caught my eye:

“Hunger is the best cook”

Now, I don’t think this is quite right. Usually people just get on and eat crap. But I know what they meant. They had other ditties on the menu. One was in Latin: “Estue volumenin toga solum tibi libet me videre”. When I asked the waitress she unblushingly answered, “It means – ‘is that a scroll in your toga or are you just pleased to see me’?”

For more cartoons from Fran, and how to get hold of them or him, click the link below

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